Give Thanks

Today I am here to give thanks. I started this new year on the 1st of January in the hospital, due to something I was aware of but kinda just blew it off because I was too busy. Well the too busy hit me square in between the eyes on New Years Day as I found I had to go to the hospital. The next two days were full of discomfort and unknowing what the future may hold. Well Friday, April 10Th (good Friday of all Friday's) I will be undergoing surgery due to the 1st of the years episode. - More on this later.

On January 15 of this year I went to my first appointment to help me gain control of my weight - yep - I went to the professionals - Slim 4 Life!!! I have been yo-yoing up and down for years ever since my first child was born - before he came I was in size 7 pants and could even wear child's size 14 from Sears. Well I was just about to hit size 12 and I was tired of trying to gain control on my own because I definitely wasn't winning this battle. So I went to this appointment and was told I would be in a size 6 by May first (sure, sure I thought I have never been a size 6) - anyway I decided to give it a try what did I have to loose???? Oh yeah it did hit my pocketbook - but I figured if I went drastic and got a tummy tuck, lypo suction or a stomach bands I would be out of pocket and still have bad eating habits. So my choice was Slim 4 Life - well guess what - today is April 6, 2009 and I have lost a total of 33 pounds!!!! Yesterday I went shopping for clothes for the first time since the new Year - guess what I wear a size 7 junior pants!!!! I have 17 more pounds to go - so they may be right I may be wearing a size 6 by the time it is all over. I also bought a bikini - first one in about 20 years - I will be tanning when I am recovering from surgery (6 weeks for that). 1st blessing.


Last June I did something that was really scary and frightening for me. I gave up a house I had been living in for the past 8 years to move in with my friend (sister - she is actually my youngest son' s Aunt). It was really a hard thing for me to do because it meant that I gave up some of my freedom and independence and had to learn how to live and co-exist with other people. Haven't done that for years it was just my children and me for years and years and all the decisions were mine to make.

The house I had been living in was my parents house and the rent was dirt cheap - but then there were other things that made it not so worth while too. My parents and I had a falling out about the time I got a divorce - hmmm lets see that would be in the summer of 1995 - so you do the math. They did not approve of some of the things I was doing or the way I live my life - so they decided I was dead to them. The thing of it is I wasn't really doing anything that was so terrible except being who I was - I don't take drugs, I hardly drink, I don't gamble, etc - you get the picture. My crime I guess you would call it was choosing incorrect men - or should I just say men that who were not rich or well set in their life. (But you know I really know that's not it - it's just their excuse - just pray for them). In the mean time it has cost them and my children- they do not know their grandchildren at all - my oldest is 25, he was 10 at the time, my daughter is almost 20 - she was 5 and they do not know my youngest at all who will be 12 this year. So I chose to get out of the house after my daughter moved out - it was too big for the little one and myself, anyway.

Now this was back in June and everyone knows that two families under one roof is a hard thing to do - there has to be compromises and cooperation to get things to work smoothly. I am not the easiest person to live with as I am a neat freak and I like to have a sence of order to things. - Lets laugh at that one because order is not what happens in this household. But you know the other day it occurred to me - the thing that I wanted most in the world - I already have right here in this house. I have people who care for me and my son and love me, really love me and for the first time I actually feel like I am where I belong. Believe it or not we kind of blended into a family who works together. Don't get me wrong we still have issues but what family doesn't - so here is my second blessing.

When I lived at my parents house I did not have any idea of what the future will hold for me. At the time I was making my decision to move or not all I knew were the facts that were before me. I prayed and asked God to help guide me to make the correct decision - now you have to realize at the time I was scared to death - I was safe where I was, been there for years. My son would have to start a new school and make new friends - that's a tough one for a 11 year old who has only been at one school all his life. But you see the decision I made and now it turns out that the Lord was guiding me - protecting me - you see I am a single mom - my oldest lives 3 hours away, my daughter is trying to figure out life and it's ups and downs. I have a 11 year old - had I stayed at my parents house I do not know what I would do for the 11 year old - here where I am I have people to help me as I recover (6 weeks) from surgery. This is my third blessing.

I am scared have never had surgery before and the one time I really needed to depend on doctors, family and hospitals - they let me down (big time). I almost died from child birth with my oldest son due to a hospital and doctors neglect - I had pre-clampsia and went eclamptic after the child was born - had to stay for 5 days without being able to hold my own new born child. So this surgery is really scary for me - but not because I am afraid of dieing because I know the Lord will take care of me. I worry about my children - what affect something like that would have to them - especially my daughter and my youngest son. My daughter because she depends and leans on me at times - especially when things get a little too rough for her. My youngest because his whole world would be turned upside down and drastically change. Not that he wouldn't be loved, it would just be a big change. I know that the Lord does everything for a reason - so I ask you to pray for me to let go of the control I am trying to do in my mind. As you see my children are the world to me they are blessings in of themselves. Each one of them are different, unique and I never would have missed the opportunity to be their Mom. They make my life complete. (4Th blessing)

My last blessing is for you my friends. I have not kept up with each one of you here lately (the past year or so), but I have been quite busy with everyday life. I have worked two jobs since August, went through class at work and then later reviewed on what I knew - that's stressful. Been through tons of doctors since the 1st of January and have had my teeth fixed with numerous dentist visits. Some of you I actually have your email's and I do try to send you some kind of correspondence every now and then. I have watched some of you get married and have your first child... you know who you are (smile). I have watched some of you move to other countries and go far away from the things that are familiar and close to you - you know who you are. I have watched and talked to some of you in regards to school, education, job choices and I have enjoyed each and every one of these visits. You are my friends and with God's will someday soon we will meet. I also have the friends who I already know personally - some of you I have known since I was 16 years old - God we're getting old - (just kidding). We have watched each other get married, divorced and some of us re- married again, and have children and watched them grow together. Some of you I have watched as you have gone through your trials and tribulations - and guess what I still love and care for you. You are very important to me - each one of you and I love you all dearly.